Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I'm a... er.. what am I?

Some sort of wuzzy nuthead or something to that effect. (I don't know exactly what 'wuzzy' means, but it sort of fits in.) I fucking missed the train just about an hour ago. I was going to Tampere to teach and fucking missed the train! I made it to the station just in time to see the train leave.

Well, here's what happened. I was at the movie archive last night (checking out Robert Bresson's Le diauble propablement or something like that; Devil, Perhaps just might be its English title) and read e-mails at 23.00 or something. I wrote a lengthy and slightly agitated message to a friend of mine who had something negative to say about my book on history of cinema that came out last year. I shouldn't've gotten so angry about it, because even though I read several pages of James Sallis's great Drive I couldn't get to sleep. And I knew it was to be only six hours of sleep. I just rolled around with my eyes closed and thought mainly about my coming teaching gig. For some reason I felt I hadn't done every possible thing for it.

At 03.13 Kauto woke up. I don't know what happened to him - maybe he saw a bad dream. But he just couldn't get back to sleep. We hushed and lulled him for goddamn two hours! I could've killed couple of neighbours for taking a friggin' shower at 04.30 in the friggin' morning - they, for one, kept Kauto awake. At 05.28 or something like that he finally fell asleep.

I knew I couldn't make it if I woke up at 07.00 as I'd promised myself, with only 1,5 hours of decent sleep. I switched the alarm clock to 08.30 thinking I could make it to the later train and still be on time to start the course (which is, by the way, about writing movie reviews*). It was still very hard to get up at 08.30 and I was seriously thinking I'd call in sick. But then I pulled myself together and got up and went to eat. So did Kauto and Elina.

As usual, it took too long for us to get Kauto in shape to take to the zoo.. oops, I mean daycare, and when I finally made it to shower, I noticed that I had something like 14 minutes before the train leaves. (We live just next to the station.) I showered and shaved like a maniac and could've made it - if I hadn't fucking brushed my teeth! I had already my clothes on, had packed the bags, etc., and then out of the blue comes this bright idea to brush my teeth! Well, okay, I did it in a second, but it made me to miss the green lights and I had to wait for the morning traffic to get by. As I said earlier, I made it to platform just in time to see the train some 50 meters away.

When I got back, I checked the busses. Not a help. I tried to phone all the people at the university, but couldn't reach anybody. The usual e-mail address didn't work (of course it didn't!) and I had to use my Hotmail account. When I finally reached someone, they had heard about my misdemeanor and it was decided that the show.. er, I mean, the lecture was cancelled for today and I'd start the whole thing next week.

But now, how the hell am I gonna get something done today? I'm agitated, irritated, tired, bored and in an adrenaline hangover. And hungry, too. (I've been on a friggin' Atkins diet for some days. It bores my eyes out, but I'm destined to lose some kilos of my daddy tummy. They all got in within the last year. Next I'm gonna eat some eggs.)

* Isn't it said that if you can't do art, you become a critic, and if you can't become a critic, you'll have to teach it? It's been at least seven years when I've written an actual movie review. Let's not count the scribbles in this here blog. They are not me at my best. And definitely this day is not me at my best.

Edit: Having been mostly on my back all day, I decided it was "a fuckin' loser" that I was after. But hey, Sallis's Drive is great. Let me get back on that one later.

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